Practice

My husband suggested two days ago that I start a blog. I scoffed.

And then I started a blog.

I was complaining that I felt unfulfilled, burdened with purpose—with a message—and no way to fulfill it… not even an idea of what it was. I told him I felt compelled to write, like there was something burning within me that needed to be told; but I had no clue what it might be. I would open a Word document and stare at that taunting black line that pulses where a word should be, begging me to begin. But no words would come. It was absolutely torturous, and my husband’s nonchalant suggestion that I start a blog to solve the problem seemed like a totally insensitive minimization of my deeply melancholy feelings.

And here I am.

I’ve never written a blog before. I’m not telling any of my friends about it. It’s not really for anyone in particular—I’m not trying to get page views or anything. I’m just writing. So you can read if you want, since it’s out there on the indestructible Internet. But I’m really just writing to find something… to find my message.

I don’t even really know what I’m going to write about! I’ll humor the Internet with stories from my life that hold significance, words from the Lord that need to be released, thoughts over which I’ve mulled which need further processing… I’ll just write, I guess.

I want the purpose of this blog to be the practice of sharing my heart, mind, and spirit through a written medium. I want to put effort into forming thoughts, eloquently expressing concepts, and organizing my delivery. I really do want to grow as a messenger in the Kingdom of Heaven, so I’ll just start here. Now is as good a time as any.

I’ve been thinking lately about the advice I’ve always given people concerning the feeling that they are waiting for their life to begin. “I used to feel that way,” I’d empathize, “but I’ve come to learn that I can’t keep sitting around waiting for life to start because my life is already going on, and I need to live it to the fullest!” Ah, how inspiring I am. It was through processing my current life frustrations with my husband, however, that I realized I wasn’t living my own advice. I was so upset because I felt like I had to wait to start sharing a message until I had a clear, refined, organized, and brilliant message to share. But that’s not how it works. How could I expect to be a decent messenger if I’ve never practiced?

You don’t just wake up one day a brilliant concert pianist. I can’t just walk onto a stage and perform in a Shakespearean classic when I feel like it. And no matter how hard I try tomorrow, I will not be the best figure skater in the world. Practice is an actual necessity for performing excellently in every skill or art. Are there prodigies and savants? Yes. Am I one of them? No. Therefore, I must practice. Yes, I’ve always prided myself in my writing abilities and long-winded eloquence, but that doesn’t mean I’m the best, perfect, or anywhere near how good I could be if I just practice more.

So, here I am. Practicing. I truly feel like the Lord has put a strong desire in my heart to write. I feel called to transcribe revelations, teachings, words, and messages from Him. They may begin as very simple, poorly written, incompletely realized, and ill-constructed ideas. But, by the grace of God, they can grow into truly profound, clearly articulated, and powerfully useful snippets of revelation from the Father for His children, His friends, His bride—those who walk with the Almighty.

Holy King, let me be a mouthpiece for You.

I’m ready to practice.