When Your Friends Are Having Babies

I had my first child just three and a half months ago. It was wonderful and scary and exhausting and revelatory: life has changed forever. Anyone who’s had a kid knows how completely radical the shift is and how your life will never be the same. On the flip side, before you’ve had a kid, there’s just no way of knowing what it’s like—especially in those first few weeks with your firstborn babe.

It’s a whole new world. And even though every mom responds differently, every life situation is different, and all of that jazz, one thing holds true for basically everyone: you need help. Lots of help. Some moms just need someone to talk to—some need alone time. Some moms need someone else to just hold their baby—some need everyone to stop holding their baby. Some need naps and showers. Some need their dishes done and meals brought to them. Some need their floors swept and their laundry handled. Some need a babysitter so they can sit at a coffee shop alone. Some need all of this!

The tragedy? If your community is not a bunch of other parents who know the drill, your friends don’t know all of this, which means they won’t offer these services. And few moms will ask—because they don’t know it’s normal to need it. They feel needy because we hide the fact that motherhood is really hard, especially in the beginning. Postpartum hormones are raging and sleep deprivation starves the mind of reason, leading to breakdowns and mood swings that pregnancy can’t even come close to competing with. Before you’ve figured out how to nurse the baby while doing basically everything, you’re chained to the rocker for what seems like 22 hours a day—deprived of water, food, and sleep. Dishes pile. You scrounge for food because how in the world are you supposed to go grocery shopping, let alone prepare a half decent meal with this suckling machine permanently attached to your boob? The bathroom starts to accumulate what must be an incredibly unhealthy amount of dust, grime, and lint everywhere and the trashcan is overflowing with the 700 pads you go through in a single day. Not to mention the diaper trash can which is becoming very compact as you continually try to push all them down instead of emptying it—because who has time for that? The Peanut is hungry again.

With my first, my parents decided to set up their RV in town and just kind of camp out for basically the first 6 weeks of my daughter’s life. My mother-in-law also came for a week to help out. We moved from Montana to New Mexico when she was 3.5 weeks old, so having all of their help with the packing and caravanning was invaluable. However, my parents didn’t really do much. They made a few meals, which was nice, and they cleaned the dishes a few times, which was mega-awesome, but otherwise just wanted to hold the baby. I, however, was one of those moms who wanted to figure it all out on her own and who actually did want to hold her baby every now and then. Having all these people there all the time made me feel obligated to let them hold her constantly. When everyone would leave at the end of the day, I got precious moments holding my daughter and cuddling my husband that I wish I’d had more of. In addition, because someone else was always holding my baby, I felt like I had to be doing things constantly. I swept and mopped and scrubbed my whole kitchen when my daughter was 4 days old (second day home from the hospital) without anyone offering to help. I did dishes, I cleaned the bathroom, I did endless loads of laundry, I changed every diaper, and I only got to hold my tiny, brand new daughter when she was nursing. All that I wanted was to be alone at home with my baby.

However, my best friend just had her first baby, three months after me. While my family was a little smothering in presence but pretty unhelpful otherwise, her family basically shows up to take pictures and leaves. In addition, I’m really her only friend who’s had a baby, and I’m out of town for the summer. So no one is helping. Because they just don’t know what to do. And there she is, sitting at home, exhausted, husband at work, chained to her glider, hardly eating or sleeping. But no one knows—and no one knows how to help.

So, here’s the point: I’d like to tell everyone who doesn’t have babies how to help their friends when they have babies. I don’t blame you for not knowing how to help—I wouldn’t have known how to help until I’d had a baby, too. And I didn’t know what I’d actually really need until I’d had a baby. So I’m giving you some steps to follow to be the most helpful friend you can be.

1. Ask her how you can be most helpful. Seems like a cop-out, but this is crucial. Every mom is so different, every baby is so different, and everyone values different things. Give her some options and offer your services, but don’t force anything on her. Try not to tell a new mom what you’re doing, because you might be doing more harm than good.

For example, you might assume that she needs someone to hold the baby while she does chores. Fair enough. Some moms need that. But ask first, because maybe what she really needs is someone to do the chores for her while she naps.

You might assume that she needs you to bring her a meal. But maybe she enjoys cooking and would much rather have you hold the baby while she cooks a meal herself.

You might think you’re being sweet by saying, “I’m coming over right now to help out! See you in 5!” But she just got the baby to sleep after fussing for 8 hours and was getting ready to have some alone time with a cup of coffee and a good book.

Ask. Do not assume. Every mom is different.

2. Reassure her that you’re willing and that she can be honest with you. You may offer to help and receive a reply like, “Oh, we’re really doing just fine!” or “That’s okay, you can just come by and hold him/her sometime.” She’s being nice. She doesn’t want to assume that you actually mean it. She doesn’t want to ask you to do something for her like clean her bathroom because in her normal friendships up until now she would NEVER have asked you to do that. Also, there’s this thing in motherhood culture right now where you’re sort of expected to be Super Mom who needs no help. It’s damaging. She needs help. So reassure her that you’re actually and legitimately willing to help her however she needs help.

3. Give her some options to get the ideas flowing. Once she’s on board with you really helping (or in order to get her on board with you helping) she might need some idea stimulation to think of what she actually needs. By giving her some options of ways you can help her, you not only give her an idea of the standard you’re referring to when you say “help out,” but you’re helping to jog her memory of those moments when she was sitting alone at home thinking “I wish someone would offer to…”

Here are a few ideas of services you may offer:

·      “I can wipe down the bathroom and kitchen for you, since I know you don’t really have time for that right now.”

·      “I can bring a lunch and we can have a little social time over a meal.”

·      “I can hold the baby while you shower and maybe even take a nap (if you pump a little milk or prepare some formula you can have a really long nap).”

·      “I can bring you a full dinner and drop it off so you can enjoy a nice evening with just you and your husband and the baby without having to prepare a meal (I’ll even make it big enough so there’s leftovers!).”

·      “I can make a run to the grocery store or Wal-Mart for you if you need some food or pads or diapers or anything and just don’t have the energy to leave the house.”

·      “I can bring some chocolate, wine, and candles and hold the baby while you enjoy a little bath time.”

4. Plan a time. Setting an actual time shows her that you’re serious—you’re not just being nice. It also helps her to know when to expect you—“just dropping by” on a new mom isn’t the nicest thing in the world. Just know that once you’ve planned this time, you’ve really got to stick to it. It might be the only thing that she really has to look forward to in that day.

5. Double check right before the time arrives. This is really important. In the world of brand new babies, there is no consistency, no schedule, and no predictability. You may have planned to come over and help clean and hang out at 2pm, but an hour or so before the time it’s safe to text mama and ask if she’s still up for you to come. She may have had a really hard night and just isn’t up for a visitor today. Maybe the baby just fell asleep for the first time all day and she was hoping to take a nap. Always double check before coming over so she knows she can cancel if she needs to do so. If she does cancel, leave the ball in her court by offering that she can name another to carry out the plan. If she never gets back to you, remind her in a few days that the offer still stands—she probably forgot.

6. Pass no judgment. When you show up, expect the house to be dirty. Expect laundry to be everywhere. Expect mom to smell bad. Expect dishes to be piled, trash cans to be overflowing, fridges to be empty, and mom to be a little frazzled. Just expect it—that way, anything slightly more put together than totally falling apart looks like a pleasant surprise and accomplishment. At this point, anything better than that description really is an accomplishment. Reassure her that you’re not judging her, because she will apologize for the state of her seemingly pig-sty-status life. Let her know that, even though you haven’t gone through it yet yourself, you can only imagine how crazy it must be to have a newborn. Let her know that you’re willing to empathize.

7. If you can, do something a little extra to show her that you really care. Go the extra mile. Don’t just come to clean the bathroom—bring a nice candle to go in it and brighten things up a bit, or some Epsom salts so she can take a nice bath later in her cleaned bathtub. Don’t just bring that lasagna, bring a bottle of while and some chocolate, too. You get the point. She won’t ask for it, so show your love by doing that little extra.

8. Offer again, if you’re able and willing. She is probably going to be worried that she scared you off with the hectic-ness of her new life and that you’ll never want to offer to help (or hang out) ever again. So show her that she’s wrong and that you’re not afraid: offer to help again. Offer to do the same thing next week or to do something else, depending on what she needs. Tell her that you’re excited to hang out again after things have normalized a little. Validate her terrifying decision to ask for and receive help.

Follow these steps to truly be the superhero helpful friend when your friends are having babies. From the outside, it may seem all magical and adorable, filled with baby giggles and cuddles… but on the inside, it’s very difficult. Babies are fussy and whiney, they eat all the time, they hardly sleep, they cry, they poop, they puke. They’re cute, but they’re a lot of work. Having friends to help is crucial.

You can do it!

It's Allowed

 I would like to address another lie that young American Christian women are living with today, propagated by the church itself and supported by two main veins of Christian thinking. And that lie is that you’re not allowed to desire a husband. There are two main avenues through which this perception is promoted—I think of them as the conservative and the progressive viewpoints.

The conservative viewpoint is often the one pushed on those unwitting high school girls in their cute little gender specific Bible Studies. Pretty teenage girls trying to dress modestly and remain pure for their future husbands are attracted to the ridiculous and oblivious adolescent boys in their youth groups and at school with shaggy hair and acne who play the guitar and flirt. They’re falling madly into infatuation, hormones raging, and praying earnestly for a husband that is a good man who dresses well and plays in the worship band. They’re giggling over the latest crush while their female Bible Study leaders and the more ‘focused,’ ‘mature,’ and ‘holier than thou’ Bible Study attendees are chastising them for not loving God enough.

The main argument of these sadly misled women is that if you are attracted to someone, then you must not love God enough to keep your focus off of the boys around you. They propagate the viewpoint that if you’re attracted to that shaggy kid then you are a less devoted lover of God and a less focused Christian. If you’re praying for a good husband, you’re wasting time that could be spent praying for world revival and greater advancements of the kingdom. How dare you.

This is shaming young women for what I would like to argue is a good, natural desire. It’s telling girls that if they are eager for a marriage relationship, then they are not true followers of Christ.

But when Adam was in the Garden of Eden with just himself and God (total exclusive intimacy), the Lord said it wasn’t good. It wasn’t okay for just Adam and God to chill… now that’s weird. We have this idea that if we’re singularly focused on God, He’s our only friend, and we’re not concerned with any other people, then we’re truly doing something very right. Wow, if God is your only friend, then you must be super duper hyper spiritual.

But look at that situation: in a still perfect world where just God and His still sinless man companion roamed, it wasn’t good for man to be alone. He was with God--but he was alone? He did not have a companion like himself. How did God fix the issue? He made a woman for that man to have companionship with. He made the man a partner, an ezer helper. The Hebrew word here for helper—ezer—is the same word used to denote the Lord’s helping position to man in many other places throughout the Bible. She's not a maidservant, not a laundry-doer, not a child-carrier… a strong and capable helper; a partner.

What if God had made woman first? Do you think she would have been just fine without a companion? “Well,” thinks God, “I guess since He’s a man then he should want a woman; but if I’d made a woman first, darn it, she would have been perfectly fine on her own!” No. Man needs woman. Woman needs man. And both need God. Therefore, when a woman desires a husband, a man, someone to partner with, is she not simply expressing the oldest desire of humanity? And wasn’t that desire something that the Lord quickly resolved because He felt it was a legitimate issue?

Yes.

Now, there is obviously a balance. Teenagers can make stupid decisions, rush into things, and be straight up idiots without the proper guidance and reassurance. They need to be redirected to the Lord in a time when pursuing marriage isn’t exactly their top issue. Graduate high school, grow up, mature, and all that jazz—but don’t discourage the desire itself. Telling them that they do not love God enough if they’re interested in a boy is plain crazy—because they carry that damaging viewpoint into the rest of their lives.

Fast forward 4-8 years and you’ve got a bunch of college students and young adults. It’s now the appropriate time to really start getting serious about finding a spouse (not that this can’t happen in high school—people marry their high school sweethearts, too; it’s just less common). But that viewpoint is still so common in our young women’s minds that their communities shame them for dating even when it’s a totally appropriate time. The passive-aggressive questions like, “Are you sure you’re still spending good time with God?” might be intended for good in some situations, but they’re often hurtful. If this gal is still healthy, still involved (though maybe a little less, since she's now got a new important relationship to invest time into), and still growing in the Lord, then there’s no need to make her feel like she’s abandoning God to pursue a relationship. Now, if you notice a friend who is dating a guy suddenly start doing drugs, swearing like a sailor, and dressing incredibly provocatively, then their best friend (not every ‘holier than thou’ woman in their community) should address the issue and see if they’re still on track. That’s called accountability. The other is called shaming.

Maintaining a healthy romantic relationship alongside your relationship with God is one of the most natural things ever—the very first humans did it to God’s great delight and pleasure. You are not abandoning your relationship with the Lord to pursue a relationship with a man. In fact, if he’s a good man, he’ll encourage your relationship with the Lord to become even stronger. This is all good. And you’re allowed to desire it.

Now, the progressive viewpoint has a similar effect but it approaches the issue from a new angle: feminism. Now, I have nothing wrong with women pursing careers, pursing leadership in ministry, not wanting to be married, not wanting kids right away for the sake of their profession, following their dreams, or doing great things without men. You do not NEED a man. If you’re one of those women who is totally fine (or even better off) doing your own thing without a husband, then by all means do it. Some of the world’s most influential missionaries and ministry groundbreaking women were single woman. And they are amazing. Heck, Paul even idealized this stance, saying that it was easier to focus on God singularly when you’re not married. And that’s honestly true—you just have less to worry about and work on when you don’t have a marriage to maintain.

But this viewpoint—“we don’t need men to live our dreams or do great things!”—is translated to those who do want husbands as “If you want a man, then you’re obviously settling and giving up your dreams.” This makes me so freaking mad. If you’re one of those woman who’d rather pursue your career over a husband and kids and married adventures, then that is totally fine—God made us all different! But please don’t shame the women who have grown up with their deepest dreams being a healthy, powerful marriage and raising God fearing-children. The Lord knows we need more mothers and fathers raising good kids these days and setting healthy examples of marriage that glorify the Father. 

My point is that if getting married and raising kids is your dream, then embrace it. Don’t let it consume you, obviously (just like anything), but don’t let the false idea that you’re settling for a less important life scare you away from praying for a husband. The fact is that anything can draw us away from Christ—for Pete’s sake, studying the Bible too much without actual relationship maintenance can draw you away from your relationship with God! Let’s be reasonable and encourage these women to pursue their dreams—it doesn’t make them weak. It doesn’t make them desperate. It doesn’t make them sad little creatures. It makes them women with dreams from the Lord pursuing their passion and calling as mothers and wives. And that’s admirable, strong, and courageous.

Both of these damaging viewpoints stem from a deeper issue in the church today, and that is a total lack of respect for the importance, sanctity, beauty, and sacredness of marriage. Marriage is so disrespected these days that people within the church are making jokes about it and fail to realize that two people, united in Christ’s love and intimacy with one another, can accomplish oftentimes far more than one minister on their own. Marriage is taking two strong lovers of the Lord and placing them on an immovable team together. It’s exponentially increasing their power for the Lord in the Kingdom of Heaven and permanently connecting two pieces of iron to constantly sharpen and propel one another forward.

It’s not something to shame people for desiring or having. It’s not a joke. It’s not a selfish choice—it’s one of the most selfless things you can do. It’s not random pleasure in your life; it’s defining and foundational. It’s not infatuation with a weak agreement; it’s a reflection of Christ’s love for the Church in an exclusive, powerful, unshakeable oath of the deepest love ever. It’s self-sacrificial. It’s ordained by God as a good, necessary, and holy thing.

If we started viewing marriage as a good thing, as a wise and strategic battle move for the army of Christ, as a powerful position, as a ministry choice… then maybe we could encourage one another to pursue it, to enjoy it, to prepare ourselves for it, and to celebrate our brothers and sisters who have found it.

Women, you’re allowed to want a husband. You’re allowed to pray for a husband. You’re allowed to pursue a good relationship.

You’re allowed.

The Dating Lie

Some things in life are impossible to know until you’ve experienced them…

Like what chocolate tastes like.

How fun a rollercoaster is.

The joy of falling in love.

What it’s like to have a true best friend.

Holding your first child.

And the love of God.

It’s impossible for someone to describe those things to you—you just need to experience it. They can use all the descriptive language in the world, but it won’t hit home until you’re there and knowing it for yourself.

This phenomenon is dangerous when those things you haven’t yet understood for yourself are harmful and should be avoided. You don’t know how much you need to avoid them…

Like climbing a tree too high only to fall.

Dating a loser in high school who will break your heart.

Being mean to your friend over petty things and losing a relationship.

Giving too much of yourself too soon in a romantic setting.

These are things that should be avoided, and only those who have experienced them can truly advise us against them with wisdom. This is why we have parents—to tell us to not climb so high, not to date the loser, and to be nice to our friends; to guide us in loving God and living a pure life. They are there to protect us—and they have the validity to do so because they have made many or all of those mistakes themselves. And because they’ve been places and done things that we haven’t, it’s our job to trust their wisdom and make the best decisions.

Sometimes, however, we make up rules for where we haven’t been yet. We hear rules from others about a situation and we hold onto them with a steadfast grasp, even though we’ve never been there. We even hold others to these standards. These standards become laws in our mind, in our communities… and sources of shame and ostracism when they aren’t followed. These are the unapproachable lies of the church meant to give some an authority that doesn’t exist and other’s a sense of shame for experiencing something the others haven't yet. 

One of those lies has been fed to young women of the church for years and years, and I hope to address it here:

“You shouldn’t have to change for the man you date or marry.”

LIE.

I want to scream it from the mountaintops! What is so dangerous about this one is that it sounds so freaking reasonable. It empowers women to be who they are and not settle. It encourages us to find the right man who will love us for who we are… But it is inherently based in a shameful pride.

The only reason you should want to be with someone who won’t change you is if you’re perfect.

I’m not! You’re not, and I’m sorry to say that. But you are NOT perfect. You NEED to change. You must grow. You have to mature. And you need to be aware of this. Who you are right now is not who you were made to be—no matter how old you are, how great you are with self-growth, how self-disciplined, or how self-actualized you are. You are always growing and changing, maturing and learning, and slowly becoming more and more like Jesus, like the person you were designed to be. And one day in heaven, you will experience the fullness for which you were designed. Until then, you’d better learn and change constantly, lest you become stagnant and lukewarm… and we all know what happens to lukewarm Christians.

Here’s the point: of course you don’t want to be with a guy who makes you into a promiscuous, drug addicted, irresponsible meany who leaves your walk with God. That’s not what we’re talking about. What you do want is a guy who spurs you on towards love and good deeds, who challenges you to grow and mature, who can call you out on your faults and flaws and help you to get past them… You want the man who loves who you are and always helps you to be better.

When you start dating that right guy, you had BETTER change. You sure ought to grow. I want to see you mature, soften, open up, and embrace life in a new way. Should your life plans change? Unless the two of you literally had the same exact plans independent of each other, YES, your life plans should change. Because otherwise, you’re selfishly not considering your partner. Should you grow out of your faults? Yes, because you’re now with someone who’s encouraging you to do so—you have iron sharpening iron. And you should be humble enough to accept that.

When I started dating my now husband, I had people telling me with great disappointment and concern that I was “changing,” as if it was a red flag. “Natalie,” they’d say, “you’re really changing a lot for this guy. Are you sure this is really what you want? You don’t seem to be who you used to be…”

GOOD! Now, I was young (still am), and probably didn’t change in exclusively good ways. I probably focused too much on him. We started to blur physical boundaries, which is obviously a negative change. But I also started to pursue the Lord with such an increased intensity because I was inspired by his closeness to the Father. I wanted that, too. I grew out of a lot of obnoxiousness because I wasn’t trying to “attract a mate” anymore—I realized that I could settle myself down and explore some real maturity. I stopped spending so much time just sitting around and neglecting school and responsibilities with my friends because I realized that I wanted to be responsible—now I had someone to be responsible for. And I was shamed for these things: “Are you sure you’re pursuing God for the right reasons?” “He’s making you all quiet and not fun anymore.” “You don’t just hang out with us all of the time anymore…”

I grew. And all of my friends who didn’t yet understand experientially the situation that I was in were making the rules for me. It filled me with shame and them with self-righteous indignation… for no reason.

My best friend had an even harder time with this in our community when she and her now husband started dating almost two years ago… except I was one of those who shamed her. I hadn’t yet experienced it and used the same tactics that were used against me just 6 months later. “You’re spending so much time with him, we never see you anymore…” I’m sorry. I’m getting to know the love of my life while growing up and not just sitting around with my friends all day. “You’re changing… you don’t seem like the same person.” I’m sorry, I’m growing and maturing out of my selfishness and pride to better love this other person and am trying to be more like Christ. 

My best friend is a completely different person now than she was just two years ago. A completely different person. Having been in a relationship and married for about one year now, she is one of the most mature, humbled, caring, gentle, and selfless people I know… and she would freaking laugh out loud if she read that. Because she certainly doesn’t think so. But I know so—because those traits are where her heart is now. Sure, she may not always respond perfectly (she’s still not perfect), but she is driven to learn how to be more like those traits--more like Christ--every day… for the love of her husband and because of the great work he’s done in her life through Christ's love in him. Two years ago these things weren’t in her heart in near the same way that they are now. I can attribute those fantastic and inspiring growths to her husband encouraging her to grow in the Lord.

I don’t know about you, but I want to change as a result of my marriage. I need to. I desire it deeply and ardently. I want to grow and change and look like a completely different person because of my marriage.

Marriage is from God. Relationships are from God. But in the single population of the church, marriage is almost laughed at. It’s shamed in it's infancy with an attitude of, "you must not love God as much as me since you need a relationship." It’s sad and really disgusting. Marriage is GOOD, proclaimed Good by GOD in the beginning of the Bible when he made Adam and Eve. You’re allowed to desire a relationship (that’s another post for another day…).

I guess my point is this:

Women, find a man who will change you completely, who will make you better and open you up to the Lord. And those of you who don’t have a man yet (we’ve all been there), please do not shame those good things. If your friend who recently entered a relationship hasn’t changed yet, call them out on THAT. Continue to spur them on towards love and good deeds.

And push them towards the man who will change them for the better.

Oh, Little Girls of Mine...

Today, I am filled with thoughts about my daughters. I don’t know them yet, but I can sense who they will be. I dream of holding them in my arms as infants and dressing them up for parties and holidays in adorable dresses and headbands. I picture the fights we’ll have when they become strong-minded, stubborn teenagers and the joys we’ll have sharing special moments of womanhood. And even though it’s so far off, I cannot wait for the day when they’re all grown up and we can be best friends.

I’m struck specifically today by the knowledge that I will be their role model of a woman. Whether they want to or not, they will take after me in many ways—most of which they probably won’t even notice. The way I carry myself, treat others, interact with them, guide them, respect my husband, and love my friends will all become habits that they will follow to varying extents. Who I am will act as the template for womanhood in their minds during their formative years. And the lessons that I teach them, both explicitly and implicitly will be carried into the rest of their lives, their self-value, their self-image, their self-esteem, and their understanding of what it is to be a woman of God.

That’s pretty heavy… and very powerful. As a mother, I get to raise my daughters to be wonderful, strong, beautiful, aware, wise, and encouraging women (to name a few but by no means all of the attributes vital to a healthy woman). I get to openly teach them about being a woman, being beautiful, loving the Lord, and what God’s original design for women and womanhood is—to the best of my knowledge and experience.

I get to teach them to be strong and understand their value as women. I get to show them how to serve others by how I serve my family with a joyful heart. I get to encourage them with truth from the Lord when they have been hurt or knocked down as a woman. I get to speak purpose into their lives and join with the Lord in helping them walk with Him.  I get to show them what true beauty looks like, and to not be ashamed of embracing their femininity. I get to show them how I respect and submit to my husband out of honor for him and not because of inferiority on my part. I hope to show them how to be a humble, meek, and gentle woman while not sacrificing strength, courage, bravery, and passion for life.

I want to help them to realize their dreams, their callings, and their giftings. I want to encourage them to invest in and grow in these areas at a young age. I want them to know that women can lead with power and insight, that they are beautiful and radiant, that they exhibit characteristics of the Father just as men do. I want them to always feel beautiful, to turn down men who don’t treat them just right because they know their worth, and to pursue the dreams that the Lord has put on their hearts with dedication, surrender, and passion. I want them to live so fully that they glow with the expression of Christ’s life in their beings.

I know that I’ll make mistakes. They'll pick up my bad habits. I might be mean to them in frustration and exhaustion one day and they’ll be hurt. They’ll be angsty and irritated and hurt me, too. I’ll break a rule or show a lack of self-control somewhere. I’m human. But I pray that those mistakes don’t cause any permanent damage. Instead, I pray that they simply allow opportunity for us to practice reconciliation, forgiveness, and moving forward in relationships.

I don’t know how many daughters I will have, what they will look like, what they’ll enjoy, or what they’ll be good at. I don’t know them in reality, but I know them in my Spirit, and I love them already. I pray now that they will be filled with the Spirit. I pray that I will always be a place of comfort, gentleness, encouragement, and safety for them. I pray that they will know who they are by first knowing the Heavenly Father, and that understanding their place in the Kingdom of heaven will fill them with the confidence to step out in faith to fulfill the greatness that the Lord has in store for them.

I bless them in Jesus’ name as reckless lovers of the Lord and His children, seekers of wisdom, speakers of truth, partakers in adventure, worshippers of the Father, and royalty in the Kingdom of Heaven who fear nothing but the greatness of their King. Make them brave, beautiful, and abundantly alive, Lord.

I love you, my little darlings. Love the Lord with all of your heart.